


Q-Branch Chaos

by Danger_Zone24



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Crack?, M/M, Q-Branch is in chaos, Thigh Holsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21719902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danger_Zone24/pseuds/Danger_Zone24
Summary: Q didn't know he or his branch would have this reaction to seeing a thigh holster on Bond.
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Comments: 3
Kudos: 122





	Q-Branch Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> This all came about because of the OOQ FB group and some pictures from the new Bond movie that feature James with a thigh holster.

It was a Monday when it happened.

A regular, boring old Monday, filled with regular, boring old Monday things. You know, just the usual things that filled up Q’s time at Mi6 - the many, many meetings (such fun!), the countless emails (Got it the first time Finance and we actually do need that money. Hello, we’re still paying off having 007 and all his ‘lost’ gadgets), paperwork that never seemed to lessen (Thanks Tanner. Please think about the trees though) and the sorting out of all the problems that came with running a department and running missions.

And, of course, dealing with the Double-O’s, who could forget them! (They had egos the size of skyscrapers so there was no missing them.)

All the things Q would rather not be doing on any day of the week for that matter but these things come with the role, he supposed.

Well, that was a lie. He liked running missions and some of the sorting out things – mainly the designing of new gadgets sorting out if he was totally honest. Even the Double-Os’ he didn’t mind on occasion, depending on the day of the week and which Double-O it was of course. Not that he played favourites with the agents. Q prided himself on that fact, no matter how much his minions and Moneypenny tried to convince him otherwise.

He really didn’t favour James bloody Bond over the rest, really…

And then it happened.

The thing that stopped Q’s entire world in its tracks for the first time in his life. The thing that made his brain short circuit and forget how to breathe. He didn’t even register the sound of his tablet clattering to the floor or his favourite mug smashing into a million pieces.

All he was doing was heading to the kitchen to get another cup of tea.

But he had glanced up from his tablet at the big screen in the middle of the branch just as the minions had gotten a shot of James Bond in Times Square. And then for some reason zoomed in on his crouch and the thigh holster he was wearing.

A thigh holster.

Of all the things in the world, that was apparently the thing that silenced and stopped Q’s brain from whizzing around a mile a minute.

“Why? What? That? Doing? Up there?” he sputtered, pointing a shaking finger at the offending screen and image.

As quick as the image had popped up on the screen, it disappeared. The minions descended on Q and the mess he was standing in, chattering nonsense. Q found himself being pushed back into his office with a new tablet in one hand and a mug of tea in the other.

“Excuse me? Did no one hear what I asked?” demanded Q to the closed door.

Grumbling he turned and marched over to his desk. It wasn’t long before he had locked down his office, and made his computer the only one which had any footage of James Bond and his lovely thigh holster. Chuckling Q sat back and sipped his tea as he listened to the chaos outside.

“Please Q! We need that video feed of 007!” R pleaded through the door.

“Why?”

“Because… we have a science experiment going on, and that was the last piece of the puzzle.”

Q huffed, “Science? Last time I checked we were Q-Branch not the Science-Branch!”

“But that doesn’t mean we can’t do science too!” said R, followed by a chorus of agreement.

“And what has Bond got to do with this experiment?”

There was a bit of muttering before the reply came through, “Um. He just dose.”

A bit of quick typing had everything on Q’s tablet. Call him greedy but Q didn’t exactly want to share 007 and his thigh holster with anyone just yet, especially since he hadn’t had the proper time to go through all the video and picture footage yet.

“Please explain, and no I will not give up 007 so don’t even ask,” he demanded as he waltzed out of his office.

“But…”

“I think you’ll find it’s about thighs not bums this time around,” R said.

Q snorted as he lent up against the console in the centre of the room, “So? What’s this experiment and what’s it got to do with my James Bond?”

“Yours?” the minions turned to R, “You said he didn’t have favourites.”

“I don’t…” said Q before R could reply, “Oh, who am I kidding? Of course he is. And I’d like someone to please tell me what’s going on because I have better things to do! Like figure out how to strap that holster permanently to 007’s leg!”

All hell broke loose at that statement. Minions and R started to run around everywhere, yelling and Q soon found himself with a handful of different sorts of super glues, several rolls of duct tape. A couple of the minions had even found some trousers and started to play around with different ideas on how to sew holsters to the clothing.

“I still don’t know what’s going on…” said Q looking around at the madness.

“Just get Bond back up on that screen and start drooling again. We’ve got this under control for you,” R said as she run past, chucking another roll of tape at him.

There was no way Q was going to do that. The branch was already chaos and he didn’t need a full blown riot. Slipping out of Mi6 Q made his way to his house, collecting some pizza on the way all the while thanking his lucky stars that he’d decided to buy an indecently large TV when he’d gotten his place. It wouldn’t obviously be as good as seeing Bond on the screen at Q-Branch or in Times Square or even in real life but it’d do for the time being.

Soon enough he had everything set up and had successfully got a location of Bond’s location and tapped into his current burner phone.

“...Wrong numb…”

“No, it’s not, 007. I’m here to get your arse… well not exactly arse… Anyway I’m here to get you back home safely. Heaven forbid I have to actually come and get you, you know how I don’t do planes unless I absolutely have to. Though in this case I actually might willingly commandeer one myself,” said Q, fingers flying over the keys, “Now fill me in on what you’re doing, ok?”

“Has anyone told you, you are bossy?”

“I’m sure you have on occasion. There’s no time for that though Bond.”

Bond huffed, “And why not? Usually we banter a bit over the comms.”

“Usually… Actually you’ve never worn a thigh holster before and now my branch is doing science experiments and I can’t stop drooling so…” Q replied, “Two men coming up… Duck left through that door and go up the stairs…”

“Past all the cameras?” James asked after a bit of running.

“Yep. Problem?”

“No… Yes. If I knew all it took for you was a bloody thigh holster, I would have worn one sooner…” grumbled Bond, “Could I tempt you for drinks when I get back?”

“Mmmm. As long as you’re in my bed wearing only that holster please…” replied Q.

James laughed, winking at the next camera he ran past.


End file.
